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El Bueno, El Feo y El Malo

Playa Carrillo

The last day in Central America was similar to many other days: Beach-AM Run & Yoga. Breakfast. Pool. Lunch. Pool. Beach. Sunset. Dinner. During those strenuous activities, l reflected on the past month. Letterman has his Top 10 lists. I thought. What were mine? Hmmm..Bear with me while I ponder this aloud….

People ask: What was your favorite country? This is an impossible question to answer. As a hopeless romantic, I fall in love easily. I’ve been lucky to have 20+ lovers so far in my life. Arriving in a new country, songs of the sirens welcome me and seduce me into a blissful trance. Completely smitten, I frolic about, enjoying each moment with my new lover. Everything is new and exciting. When it is time to leave, I am heartbroken. When will I see my lover again? Crossing a border, I meet a new love ready to sweep me off my feet or return to an old faithful beau, with the initials USA, awaiting me with open arms.

Best Accommodations Guatemala
#Best Airport Pick-up: Black Cat Inn-> Pre-arranged evening pick-up was flawless. Driver was on time, in the right place with correct name on the placard. However, it gets #Worst bed: rock-hard Flintstone era mattress & #Worst Eye-Candy: filled with Geriatric men.
DSC02557#Best Value: Mario’s Inn-> Cheap rooms, under $10/night. Free breakfast, dinner & water.
#Best Overall: Hotel el Delfin-> Cheap private room with bathroom on the beach. Onsite pool. The kitchen serves good food with a beach bar to watch the sun set. The guests are a mix of long-term travelers/residents & individuals/families who were just passing through. This was a very social atmosphere for non-dorm accommodation.

Best Accommodations El Salvador
DSC02606#Best Rockstar Quality: La Guitarra->The front gate looked like sheet music. Bungalows tucked away from the street out of view of the paparazzi. Higher prices to keep the riffraff away. Restaurant/Bar playing live music on the weekends.
DSC02707#Best Animals: La Tortuga Verde -> In and around this resort named of Green Tortuous, were a variety of animals with curious personalities from Type A Roosters to a Health Conscious Cow

Best Accommodations Nicaragua
#Best Mojitos: Bigfoot Lodge -> Of course you would need high quality drinks in a Hostel that felt more like a Sorority/Frat House #Worst for intellect & good uninterrupted sleep.
DSC02827#Best Escape: Oasis-> If you are worn out from conquering transportation in 3 countries & crossing 2 borders in 1 day. The 2 courtyards will allow you to recharge your batteries.
#Best of Everything: Little Morgan’s-> Cozy double bed in airy palapa. Excellent food. Best Parties. Fun owner/staff/guests. Smoking hot men. Beautiful views. #Worst Hangovers

Best Accommodations Costa Rica
DSC02939#Best Last Resort: Las Cabanas-> If you get dropped off late in the evening, William will take you in. All your basic needs will be met and more.
#Best Slice of Paradise: La Tropicale-> The animated owner & staff go out of their way to make you feel at home. Hang at the pool surrounded by a luscious garden or stumble to the beach. You may consider never leaving this cozy little paradise.

Best Food/Drink
In the movie Liar Liar, Miranda asked Fletcher: “Was it good for you?” after their sexual interlude. Fletcher answered, “I’ve had better!” I feel the same about food. Having been spoiled by living in places that offer easy access to amazing cuisine from 5-star to food stall that have allowed me to enjoy meals that have reached orgasmic status. I will only mention food/drink that I feel you cannot live without trying once in your life or are extraordinary because some meals, I’ve had better.

Best Breakfast:
#El tipico-> Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. El tipico consists of: huevos, frijoles, queso, plantanos y tortillas. Although, I prefer to eat oatmeal on a daily basis in the States. Here, I ate el tipico 3-4 times/week because it provided enough energy to conquer the day until sunset paired with strong local coffee that would make Tweek from South Park happy. There was not a place that served a bad el tipico.
#Yogur con Fruta-> Best- Soya & WORST, hands down- Jaguar

DSC02381Best Snacks
#Chopped Pineapple with chili, salt & sugar from a fruit cart in Antigua
#Papusas from a random vendor boarding my bus in San Miguel 

Worst: (Not-so)Sweet bread I bought from a lady on the ferry for Isla de Omotepe the “treats” were burnt and hard as a rock

Best Meal:
#Whole fish to dissect at Hotel el Delfin
#Whole fish with best salsa ever at food stall on Nicaragua/Costa Rican Border
#Casado de pescado at Hula Jungle
#Almuerzo arroz con camerones/ arroz con calamares at La Soda

Worst Dinner:
#Pork Tacos from food stand in Monterrico
#Vigoron from food stand in Parque Central Granada

Best Drinks
#Volcano filtered water on Isla de Omotepe gave me a break from bottled water
#Pepsi, Coca-Cola, Fanta & Fresca sold at the right time by street/bus vendors. Even though I don’t drink these beverages at home. They are a godsend when you are sweating your ass off on a crowded bus or crossing a border on foot with a heavy pack.
#Whole Coconut: drink water & eat the meat from a vendor in San Pedro very refreshing and a good cure for la cruda.
#Beer: I love beer, good beer. After sampling, Imperial, Gallo, Dorado, Cabro, Brahva, Tona & Victoria, none came close to my favorite microbrews. However, after a long day in the heat, they quenched my thirst. To kick them up a notch, try any of the above beers served michelata: salted rim with lemon juice, Boy Toy sold separately.

Best Activities:
#Best Hikes: Volcan Pacaya & Volcan Madares
#Best Kayaking : Lake Atitlan & Laguna de Apoyo
#Best Beaches: Montericco, Playa El Cuco & Playa Carrillo
#Worst Beach: Playa El Tunco

El Feo (The Ugly)
#Ugly travelersGracey & other tourists dressed like shit with poor hygiene and women with hairy armpits
#Poverty– like India, it was heartbreaking to see homeless kids in Managua, Nicaragua
#La Goma, el crudo, el resacoso or any other words for hangover
#Bad men: Old dudes like Mike & Jimbo that do not have a filter when they speak to me in a sexual nature and men who forget we only have a professional relationship: Waiters, taxi drivers and Tour Guides
#Vendors/Rickshaw drivers: Panajachel touts that would enter dining establishments and hotels shoving goods in your face; The Colectivo driver in Iztapa and Rickshaw driver on the Honduras/Nicaragua on the border.

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